sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
