so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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