End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
where are my eyebrows?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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