spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
