I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Drake has all the answers
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
