How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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