Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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