I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
