i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
