the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
