i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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