I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
