I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Be still, my beating vagina.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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