she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
