oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
