i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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