guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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