hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
