i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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