Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
