i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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