It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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