She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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