Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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