I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
