mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
