At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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