I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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