Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
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