stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
