I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I can feel your judgement through the phone
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
