Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
