She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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