btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
