Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
