I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
