I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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