This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
