mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
