Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
