Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
