what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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