Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
My vagina is very pro this idea
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
