I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
