I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
