you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
