i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
