Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
this hospital has no fireball
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Randomize
