then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
