sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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